wrung out.

Nicole Worm
Oct 29, 2020
3 min read

Updated: Nov 4, 2020

Do you ever just have days where you feel stretched? Worn out?

As we come toward the end of this year, I am reminded of many tough holiday seasons. This year, with COVID, with all these unprecedented times (what I wouldn’t give for some precedented times), mental illness - specifically depression and anxiety - loom over our heads like grey clouds.

Until last year, I can’t remember a holiday season that I’ve made it through without crying. I stopped talking about it for a long time. Other people got excited for the holidays, just not me. It didn’t seem important to tell them that I couldn’t hang through another party or another event where I was supposed to bring a boyfriend, or that all I had the energy for was another Netflix marathon of Friends.

To be extremely clear, I have wonderful friends. They absolutely would have cared. They might not have understood, but they would have done their best to empathize with me. Here’s the thing about depression and anxiety - it convinces you that you’re alone, that you have to be strong in a moment where you feel so weak. Maybe you are LONELY, but lonely doesn’t equal ALONE. Alone can be a choice. It can mean that maybe physically you choose to be alone, or mentally that you decide to be alone.

We live in an age of connectivity - theoretically, that is. Did you know that our hyper connectivity means that we have a tendency to reduce physical time spent together? Or, even if we are spending time with others, we choose to be on our phones? Please hear me say that I love the connections I’ve made through social media. I love dog videos and hippies roller blading to Fleetwood Mac on tiktok. But social media will never be a replacement for relationship.

We are born with a need for community. Introvert or extrovert, it doesn’t matter. At some point, we need relationship. The scale does matter, sure, but the point remains. Depression feeds off aloneness. It feeds off of being too busy that you ignore practices of rest and restoration (this is not just vegetating in front of your TV for hours on end). And sometimes, it feels like it feeds off of nothing and everything, all at once. You can be doing the right things, all the good things, feeding your body well, and feel like a wrung out washcloth.

If I could explain why that was, and how to fix it, I would. I work so hard to manage my triggers, to feed my body well, to exercise and love myself. Sometimes it seems like all the pieces just don’t gel together. I can be doing all the right things, and still struggle. I can encourage all the people on my Instagram story to talk about their mental health and not want to tell my mom about my issues.

Can you hear me out when I say this: please don’t choose to be alone. There might be lonely days, but if you have trusted people, you are never alone in your fight. On a spiritual level, you are NEVER alone. Your battle with mental health doesn’t make you lesser than. You are not too broken for Jesus to love, for Him to use for the Kingdom, for Him to heal. You are not too much.

Depression is a liar. It doesn’t own our joy or our hope. It doesn’t get to make our choices for us. It doesn’t get to seclude us. Depression never gets to win.

If you are struggling with your mental health and need help, please reach out. Use all the resources that are available to you, including prayer. Just remember, God created humans and blessed them with gifts and abilities. I truly believe therapy and counseling are among those gifts. Don’t be afraid to make that call.

For immediate assistance, if you are struggling with thoughts of suicide: National Suicide Prevention Hotline - 803-273-8255

For therapists and psychiatric help in your area: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us

For 24/7 therapy and counseling options: https://www.betterhelp.com/