the beloved disciple.

I’ve spent 2022 paying that God would reveal Himself to me in new ways. I don’t think I knew what that prayer really meant when I started praying it, I just wanted to know Him more. What I had wasn’t good enough, deep enough, or sufficient enough to satisfy the questions and desires in my heart. Journeying through the Old Testament, especially the last several books, was pretty tough. If you are going to act super spiritual and holy and say that it’s not hard to read about destruction and pain every day, that’s on you. There are great promises of redemption and joy that are tucked in these books, but there is also weeping and heartbreak.

Somewhere along the way, I was listening to a sermon by one of my favorite pastors, Jon Tyson of Church of the City New York. He encouraged people to add the gospels to whatever chapters they were reading at the time. This suggestion isn’t really revolutionary and is how many plans are structured. Pastor Jon’s reasoning, however, made all the difference for me. We all need the reminder of a promise fulfilled. We need to remember that amidst the destruction, the constant war and the carnage of Israel being hauled off to Babylon and Jeremiah crying rivers of tears, the Promise did come. His name is Jesus. He is the fulfillment of every prayer, of all the prophecies, and the solution to the problem that began in Genesis 3.

The last several years have knocked the wind out of me. I think it’s fair to say that it’s knocked the wind out of all of us. I talk to faithful Christians every week who are worn down and exhausted. It seems like we are all asking for Maranatha to come. We are desperate for heaven to come to earth. Our communities are worn out. Parents scrambling to make ends meet, to find baby formula, or afford groceries. Singles and the elderly are struggling to find community. We are all drowning. The earth is groaning for Jesus to come as He promised.

I read the gospels with new eyes this season. I read them like someone who was drowning and has been saved. They were like fresh air in my lungs, like water at the top of a mountain on a hot day, like a warm blanket on a cold night. I spent most mornings with tears in my eyes, in wonder at the kindness of Jesus. The gospel of John opens with these verses:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was with God in the beginning. Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made. In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. Jesus, the light of the world. Nothing has overcome Him yet. John describes himself as the disciple Jesus loved. I love that attitude - the beloved disciple of the One that darkness could not overcome. But before he was the beloved disciple, John had another name. John and his brother James were once called the Sons of Thunder. They were loud and brash. They asked Him for permission to call down fire from heaven on a village that had rejected Jesus and the disciples. Eventually, they became part of His inner circle, along with Peter. I am sure men that were willing to call fire down to avenge the honor of the Messiah had some strong feelings about, well, most things.

What I love so much about John is that he was labeled a son of thunder, but he knew with an equal measure he was the one that Jesus loved. He reclined with Him, ate meals with Him, and walked at His side. Jesus corrected, but He did not cast off. He did not say “Remove yourselves from me, sons of thunder, full of malice and hard hearts!” I suppose He could have, but that was never the way of the Savior. Those around Him were prejudiced, hurting, and bitter. Rome was in charge, persecuting the Jews. The village that James and John wanted to call down fire and destroy? It was full of Samaritans, who hated the Jews and were hated equally as much in return. They held very particular ideas about the way that the foretold Messiah would return, and it did not look anything like Jesus. He was countercultural and radical, breaking down faith barriers, and mingling with those who afforded him no political or religious clout. He healed the blind and the broken on the Sabbath. He saved and set free from sun up to sun down. He was love and transformation and redemption wrapped in skin. Is it any wonder that John, one who was once willing to call down fire and brimstone, became one of the writers of the gospel that was carried to both the Jew and the Gentile? The man who was once willing to sacrifice a town full of Samaritans on a matter of principle would be among those leading the charge to carry the gospel.

When we begin with Jesus, we look one way. We speak in ways informed by culture. We hold our identities in fragile, broken ecosystems, whether they are based on political systems or religious structures. We allow prejudice and racism to have footholds in our hearts. We look for a political Messiah, much like the Jews were looking for when Jesus began his ministry. We cry out for revival in churches full of pride and lacking obedience and sacrifice. And yet, I believe, even as we find ourselves here, we can have a great and glorious transformation. That even now, if we lean into Jesus, and seek Him, He will find us where we are. The revival we long for begins with us, the sons and daughters of thunder. We who are willing to call down fire and brimstone on those who don’t align with our ideologies. Even now, the Lord is calling you His beloved disciple. He never sees us just as we are, but as we can be, as He calls us to be. In His gracious kindness, He transforms us anew.

I pray that you would begin to search your own heart and see the areas that are not aligned with the transformational love and generosity of Christ. They are often the ones that will hurt the most to correct. It is the great miracle of salvation that we can begin to unwind and disentangle ourselves from the culture and crisis of this present moment, to be in this world and not of it. My heart’s cry is that this Church full of broken, beautiful people would hear the voice of Jesus once again calling to them and know that they too are the beloved Disciple of Christ. He is the security and identity you have searched for across this earth. May we all come and be transformed by Him. Take heart in knowing that the Promise is fulfilled. The search is over. The joy is coming, the morning is dawning, and the captives are free.

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Nicole Worm is the founder of Redeemed Collective, a recovering perfectionist and is committed to eventually seeing the Atlanta Falcons win a Super Bowl. Also, committed to being dog mom to Bear.