victory after failure.

If you’ve tried this Jesus thing before and it wasn’t for you, i get it. Failure is rough. It makes us want to quit. That’s something I am very familiar with, unfortunately. It happens all the time. This Christian life is not for the faint of heart. I wish that my daily life was squeaky clean. I wish that I never had to say sorry or had to feel shame over my thought life.

But I do. I’m betting you do too.

The funny thing about this is that Jesus isn’t here to give you shame. Our guilt and conviction are not wrong. I know some of you are yelling about my theology, but hang tight for just a second. These things are signals that alert us that we have an issue. The problem is when we transition from conviction to wallowing in shame. Wallowing is something pigs do in the mud - they get completely covered in muck and grime, and it’s a huge ordeal to get them clean again. Is that how we act when we mess up? Do we recognize that gut check and redirect or do we sit in it, overcome by our shame?

God is a God of grace and mercy, and we are covered under grace. But if we completely lose sight of the fact that we should be striving toward holiness, then why are we even doing this thing? If we aren’t trying to be more like Jesus, why don’t we all just go home? “I know what I should do, and I don’t do it.” THE Apostle Paul said that. The man who wrote most of the new testament. If he’s not getting it right 24/7/365, do you think you are? No offense. You’re not that cool. I was recently struggling with something that was deeply personal. I messed up. I knew it. Big time. My thought process went like this:

You know you messed up. You repented. Don’t worry about it. ...we aren’t gonna talk about it though.

Um, okay, but accountability matters. It does.

Sure, but you’ve got this. It’s managed. Handled, like Olivia Pope.

No… I don’t think I do. I’m just ashamed.

A dear friend of mine, and one of my accountability partners, reached out to me for a different reason. But when I saw her name pop up on my phone, I knew the Holy Spirit had answered my prayer for an outlet to talk. I unpacked my junk on her (side note: you need people who you can unpack your junk on sometimes) and expressed my shame. Mostly, I felt like I lost the game, like I was going to be punished or benched for the rest of the season. Her response went like this, “Jesus never keeps score. We are the only ones that do that.”

I knew this at my core. But at this moment, there were no kinder words she could have said to me. Maybe right now, you feel like I felt - a failure. Guilty. Frustrated. Jesus doesn’t keep score. He knew all the dumb stuff you were going to do before and after you met Him. He still went to the cross for you and for me. He meets us where we are and calls us to be holy. Holiness is the goal, but the journey to get there is not always a straight line from A to B. Sometimes you stumble. Stick with it. Stay accountable. Stay in the light even when it’s hard. Keep running toward holiness.

NEXT STEPS:

If you’re struggling with your thought life or repeated cycles of sin, find people in your life that you can be open and vulnerable with. In church, we typically call these people “accountability partners.” I have learned that it is easiest for me to stay in a cycle of sin when I do not have people that I can be open with about my issues. These people should lovingly redirect you to what Christ says and help you work through these cycles and behaviors. You need community. You need other people. Accountability is how we win. It’s how we live abundantly, carrying each other's burdens and struggles in the love of Christ. When looking for an accountability partner, consider these things:

1. Do I trust this person? Can I be open and honest with them in confidence?

2. Do I believe they will actively help me pursue holiness in this particular area?

3. How are we going to make an action plan to overcome this issue (beyond prayer and Biblical research)?

The body of Christ is full of imperfect humans, trying to attain holiness on this side of eternity. We will stumble and fail horrifically, but Jesus still wants us. He hasn’t given up on you. Don’t give up on Him.