UNSPEAKABLE JOY

Today I realized something. Life is hard. Please don’t laugh, I’m 27, this isn’t a profound revelation by any means. The last few months have felt like one blow after another. September started with me watching my best friend and her husband walk through unexpected and heart wrenching loss. It ended with losing my grandfather, my hero, only a few days before my birthday. Beyond even that, I have grappled with some hurts I’m still not ready to face or discuss openly.

I’m sure you’re thinking, “Is this the same girl who talked about promises and dreams?” Yes, it’s me. Because in waiting for the dream, and in living the day to day, there will be hurts - some small and some so deep you couldn’t get through them alone if you tried. There will be anxieties and fears and overwhelming loneliness at times. I wish I could keep you all safe forever from the pains of life, but since I can’t, I will be honest. Your anxiety is not failure. Your emotion is not weakness. Your love for everyone around you is a gift (even if it doesn’t always feel like it). Your depression is not a death sentence.

I know that there are days that feel impossible to manage (see also: weeks, months, years..). I know this funk you’re in seems never ending. I know that the hits just keep coming and you keep standing up and fighting, no matter how tired you are. Please remind yourself in the toughest of tough moments: there is unspeakable joy, like there is unspeakable pain. Maybe sometimes you have to look for it in the very smallest way. Maybe someone was kind enough to buy you coffee, or bring you pie, or whatever it is that speaks life to your soul. Keep searching for slivers of joy in the dark places. Keep searching for Jesus. When our grief is so much that all we can do are send up “wordless groans,” He still hears. He still knows. He cares for you in the most deep and true way. Will you let Him be your peace speaker? The Bible says that upon hearing of the death of Lazarus, Jesus wept. Like He wept over the loss of his friend, will you let Him weep over your pain and begin to let the Master Potter restore you? I pray that you do. I pray that you seek out a friend you trust to be really open about the things that grieve you. I pray that you make your devotional time a priority. I pray that if you need to, you speak with a therapist. I pray that you would have Godly friendships with people who will build you up. We need you. We need your words, your ideas, your fighting spirits. You are so loved, even in your darkest hour.

““Where have you laid him?” he asked. “Come and see, Lord,” they replied. Jesus wept. Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!”" ‭‭John‬ ‭11:34-36‬ ‭NIV‬‬