misaligned expectations.

Nicole Worm
Sep 25, 2020
4 min read

I don’t have any great or witty thoughts to start with today. As I approach the anniversary of my grandfather’s death, followed by my 28th birthday, this life doesn’t look much like I thought it would. I certainly thought my path would be different, and with that idea comes mixed emotions. I have had to lay to rest some dreams that I thought certainly would come to pass for me. When you’re young, you assume certain things will happen by certain ages, because… well, there’s no real reason why. Maybe it happened that way for your parents, or in movies, or for people in your life. Here’s the hard truth, though: just because your story doesn’t match your expectations doesn’t mean it isn’t beautiful in its own right.

Expectations are such a funny thing. I expected to see Harry Styles this year in concert. Probably John Mayer, if he decided to tour. I expected to probably meet a nice guy, and have that work out before I turned 28. I expected to go to a Falcons game, and watch them lose (oh, but what if they won? To but know of such bliss). That’s life - we plan, we dream, and we expect.

When those expectations don’t work out - for any number of reasons - we are crushed. Whatever imaginary timeline you concocted, that feels so important and overwhelming, wasn’t met. How dare life not work out according to my idea of what’s best?

I realize that the really Christian answer is “well, God’s plan is best.” Okay. Yep, I’m with that. But seriously, how does it make you feel that your plan didn’t work? Can we not slap the God band-aid on things and pretend to be okay? He didn’t ask His Son to do that, and He doesn’t ask us to do it either. Jesus prayed in the Garden of Gethsemane, before He went to the cross to take our sin upon His shoulders, “Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.” (Matthew 26:39)

In other words, Jesus, the literal and eternal Son of God, said, “hey Dad, can we re-evaluate? I’m really struggling, I’m grieving, is there another way? If not, I trust you and submit to your plan.” I don’t think God our Father is going to have a moment of shock and hurt when we question His plan or call on our lives. I think He welcomes our questions, our confusion, our hurts. When our expectations are misaligned with reality, it’s HUMAN to feel hurt, confusion and betrayal. All of my life, I have heard Thomas the Disciple referred to as Thomas the Doubter. I have heard him represented as not trusting the words of Jesus, of failing to have true faith, and any number of smears. I would urge you all to remember that all the mighty men of God were hiding in a house, unsure whether they were next on the list to be killed… Thomas, was the only one who voiced his doubts, but he was probably not the only one that held them.

You are human. Hand crafted. Made in God’s image. Full of emotions. Something I’m learning (slowly), is that emotions just ARE - they aren’t necessarily good or bad. They just exist. Why are you mad, or sad or hurt? What’s really at the source of that emotion whatever it is? Are you mad at God right now? Don’t feel like talking to Him? Feel like this Christianity thing was misrepresented to you, and you want a refund? Be mad at God. That’s okay, it happens in relationships. That’s what this is, after all.

If you want to rage against the machine, I support you. But I want you to understand why - you can be mad, but if your anger is due to misaligned expectations, let’s evaluate. Did God, in His word, promise you that you would meet your spouse by 21, and have 2.5 kids and a picket fence? Did He promise that you would be the ultimate high achiever, with the flashy job, full bank account, and new Tesla? Did He promise you that you would come from a perfect home, with two loving and functional parents, that would support you? Fill in the blank with your expectation. Do you believe in the Genie from Aladdin or do you believe in God?

You might be mad at me now, too. That’s fair. It’s not a pleasant line of reasoning, and I don’t like being the messenger. I’ve been mad at God, a lot, for things that were more my fault than His. Or because I just felt like I deserved a husband, or a job, or whatever thing I wanted at the time. That’s not flippant - some things were really important, like money to pay my bills. Ya girl was broke. But on the whole, I loved my dreams more than I loved Jesus. It’s okay, I can say that, He and I have discussed it at length (mostly, I yelled).

I’m not asking you to give up your dreams, or to sacrifice your desire for a new car that runs consistently on the altar. However, you may have to realign your expectations with a holy reality versus your own. That is a lot tougher than that brief sentence makes it sound. It is grappling, every day, with life and having faith enough to believe that His plan is not only sufficient, but excellent. I can tell you that if you are bold enough to wake up every day and submit to Him, that Jesus will exceed your reality. I’m not saying you’ll have a car, or an overflowing bank account, or a spouse. Maybe you will. I just know that chasing Jesus is simultaneously the hardest and best thing I’ve ever done. Saying “Your will be done, Lord” with gritted teeth, followed by a prayer to ask the Lord to help you believe it is still progress, y’all. We are all perfectly imperfect, and chasing holiness. Find grace for yourself. Find freedom from internalized and misaligned expectations. Chase wholeness and holiness as best you can.

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