Living in Victory

What does victory mean to you? Is it simply not sinning anymore, or not being tempted to sin? Is it deeper than that? I wish I could tell you that I was never tempted to dishonor the love of Christ. If only I got up every morning with a joyful spirit (okay, all the morning people - what does a joyful spirit at 6:30AM even look like? Help.) or that I prayed constantly like Paul (I do think about Mexican food constantly), but if I am honest… I am a long way from “victory,” if that’s our definition. I told a friend of mine yesterday that I lean more toward harsh judgement than grace. It would be nice if I extended the grace of God to other people, but sometimes I have a hard time even extending it to myself. My inner voice is hyper critical and it demands perfection. At the very minimum, it expects 110%. I realize that sounds crazy. It is. In my world, failure to meet expectations is defeat. If you are judging me right now, I can tell that your developmental years were not spent in a competitive household. Or maybe you’re just a lot more chill than I am. Regardless, I think we all recognize that we have toxic traits that we have to overcome if we really want to live in victory. If knowledge is power, and we recognize that we have to do better, how do we do that? Paul (my favorite apostle, who was assuredly an enneagram 8) gives us some wisdom on this. In Philippians 4:11-13, he says this: I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength. I bet you are wondering why I used this verse - let me break down my thought process. For me, I feel that I am held back from true victory by my own self - my choices, my challenges, or my lack of faith. Whatever and however you choose to describe that in your personal life, feel free to do so. Usually, I am chasing an idea of what I would like to be and not who God says that I am, or what I should be doing. I am not content in where God has me, or in the security of the gifts He has placed in me. I can do ALL these things through Christ - I can be at peace with who I was created to be, with the plan and the PACE of the plan that He has for me, without feeling that I have to change the essence of who I am. Don’t mistake what I am saying, we come as we are to Jesus, but He grows us, and shapes us and transforms us to be more like Him. However, He made my personality, my quirks, my intelligence, my body, my skin color, my hair. All of who I am, even the things I hate, He designed for me before I exploded into this universe. As Jackie Hill Perry says so aptly, “Jesus has not called me to be a caricature [of someone else]. He has called me to be fully myself, empowered by the Holy Spirit.” I am not trying to make a conversation about living in victory about self-reflection, but I do believe that in order to live victoriously we must recognize who we are, in the fullness of truth. Know who you are. Be at peace with it. Allow God to transform you to be more like Him, in every single way. If we don’t address our own toxicity and our mess, we can never grow into all that we were destined to be. People need your voice. People need your story. Jesus can absolutely use someone else to reach them, but wouldn’t you rather it be you? “I hear You call I am available I say, "Yes, Lord" I am available.” Available - Elevation Worship