let’s talk about love.

Any blog post in February is usually about love. Aaaaaand any post by a single person is usually about being alone on Valentine’s Day or just “making the best of it.” My personal favorite is a cute trifecta, where we do all of that AND tie in the greatest love story of all (yes, Jesus, and He is, but chill).

When I was growing up, I remember looking at this day and wishing for someone to buy me flowers or jewelry. There have been some really dark moments on this holiday dedicated to love. There have also been some really fun moments (shout out to spending Valentine’s Day with my favorite boys in B-Ham, Insomnia cookies and Kirk Franklin playlists) that I will cherish forever. Life is kind of like that - we idealize days and moments and events, of how it might be one day with that special person. I think that’s nice and all, but we spend so much time wishing for that perfect moment and we completely overlook the common, beautiful moments.

Maybe Valentine’s Day is really special to you, and it holds a lot of personal significance. That is completely fine and lovely. I am not a joy stealer. Celebrate and love and enjoy. But if this holiday brings up feelings of anxiety, loneliness and rejection, I get that too.

The beautiful thing about life as I get older is that things are almost always both/and. I used to believe that everything was either/or. Either I was sad on Valentine’s Day or I was with someone. Those seemed to be the only options available. Now the playing field has changed for me. I stopped waiting on something to happen that I was never assured of in life. Disney movies and fairy tales are not reality. However, the love that I have right now, of my family and friends, is concrete and real and visible every single day. That is my fairy tale. That is my more than I ever hoped for in this life. While I hope that one day, there’s a person who shares my life as my spouse, I stopped sitting and waiting for him to appear. Wanting a significant other to share life with is normal and good - making an idol out of relationships and marriage is not.

If today, you are overwhelmed with loneliness and your circle is not full of life and love, I pray that God sends you people who bring joy and hope to your regular Tuesday afternoons. Build your community piece by piece and pour love into them. Be honest with your friends in relationships about what you need - is it advice or just quiet love (or chocolate)? If you want to be set up, say so. If you need time to just be with people and laugh over tacos, say so. I know there are lonely moments in this life, but don’t let your pride create more of them. People want you in their lives - all of their lives. Let them include you. Annie Downs has taught me so much about being intentional as a single adult. Seek out people who make you more intentional.

If you are in a committed relationship or married, pour love on your single friends. Community requires intentional behavior from all parties. If your single friend is grieving, please don’t pour clichéd advice on them. Be with them in that moment. Cry with them. They are making the most of their season, their life, their race. Just take it from me. My community has invited me into their homes, shared their children’s lives with me, shared meals, vacations, celebrations and the gloomy Tuesdays of life. Without them, my time of singleness would look so much emptier. I love sharing family and moments of love and heartbreak with my people. Yours will feel the same. I promise. And they don’t care if your house is clean either. Sorry, mom!!!!

I hope you celebrate Valentine’s Day however you want, with a bucket of ice cream or with the person you love most in this world. Or both. Both is good. Make every day count with the people you love, not just today. Community matters. You matter.

I hope you feel seen and known and loved today, just as you are.